Idyll Gossip: The Fall of Camelot

The secrets Guinevere kept from Arthur

Were known throughout the land of Camelot.

You can hear the peasants whispering the

Names Gawain, Bedivere, and Lancelot,

Under their breath, gos’ping at the market;

Squeezing oranges in a way that’s not

Respectable to the queen, whose honor

Is destroyed through innuendo about

Sexual acts behind the back of her

Lord, the great king Arthur, this nation’s heart

(The son of Uther, this nation’s father).

But it’s a round table now without

Inequality, a nation of laws, 

A li’l magic, and a dragon of course.

The course of this tale is tragic. There

Is a scandal brewing at the market.

And when the great King Arthur hears about it,

A fairy tale ending is no more.

The folklore of the past is no longer

In the past, it’s all happening before us.

In the market, Ruth picks up a berry,

And subtly suggests to her friend Mary,

That perhaps this is the same size as Sir

Gawain’s “berry” in the good queen’s hand. “You’re

Terrible,” says Mary with no Idea

How right she was ‘cause the calamity

This caused was enough to destroy a nation

Of equality, a nation of laws.

In a heartbeat all the prosperity

Is gone. Storm the castle and sound the horns!

The king’s forehead is aching with the pain

Of his knights, who at once, create his fame

And ruin his ageless name at the same

Time. But the king can’t turn a blind eye

To his queen doing whatever she wants,

As if she’s the king and the game ends when

She dies. It is now time to check your mate.

The rays peek through the clouds. The armor shines

With a bounce that corresponds with the move-

ments of the horse, and its mahogany coat.

And the crest on its saddle is blest by

The straddle of the famed knight on its back.

Gawain is praised and acclaimed since the day

When the Green Knight came to Camelot and

Made a challenge for the bravest knight,

Not a fight, so much as a test. Gawain

Is praised and acclaimed since the day

When the Green Knight came to Camelot and

Made a challenge for the bravest knight;

Not a fight so much as a test. Gawain

Stood up making the lady beside him

Very impressed; you could tell this by the

Smitten look on the good queen’s face. Arthur

Didn’t notice this, because he looked at

Gawain with his own proud look as he watched

This young man defend his land to the death.

This same young man, atop his horse now,

Is heading into town and strolling through

The marketplace, where the queen’s servant Ruth

Caught sight of this stallion, which triggered her

Little comment in the first place.

Words can enchant the soul. The write potion

Of letters is like a spell told by an

Enchantress from a smoldering hell, bell-

Owing and chanting, polluting the world

With a horrible well of insipid nonsense,

Spoke just to tell the evil thoughts in a brain

That’s never achieved anything of its own.

This takes us next to the cauldron’s flame,

Where the blacksmith’s preparing some

Shoes for the queen’s horse. Smith says to

His apprentice, Horace, “Should I fit these shoes

To the horse or to Bedivere instead?

For we all know she rides him just as much,

‘cept the field is her bed.”  “What an evil

Thing to say about a queen as good as

Gwen,” Horace says to Smith. “It’s not right to

Ruin her name.” To which Smith replies back,

“She ruined it herself when she hopped in

To bed with Bedivere, that fearless knight.

I mean, to challenge King Arthur like that.”

The ire’ny is that, it’s comments like that

That pose the biggest threat to the kingdom.

When speak of the devil, who walked into get

His sword from Smith at that moment: Bedivere

And his squire, who overheard just enough

Of the last little bit to feel the need to put

The fear of God in Smith: An unsheathed sword

To the neck too quick to comprehend it.

With the blade to his neck, Smith begged for his

Life. Bedivere said, “Where did you hear that?”

“What?” “What you said!” “Oh no! What did I say!?”

“About me and the good queen in her bed!”

Fearing what might happen next, Smith began

To confess, “I overheard some old ladies

Talking about it the other day in

The middle of the market place.” “What did

They say?” “That you and Gawain were sleeping

With the queen behind the king’s back.” “Gawain?”

“Yea Gawain, he was there, which I suppose

Provoked the gossip in the first place.” The

News of Gwen and Gawain pierced Bedivere’s

Heart. He dropped the sword from Smith’s neck and then

Quickly left the metal works shop, distraught.

Bum ba-da-dum bum ba-da-dum the horns

Sound as the king enters the hall with a

Golden crown on his head, with all of his

Followers lined up beside the carpet,

Bowing their heads as he approaches the

Throne, to sit next to Gwen. He then turns and

Faces his people; and takes his queen’s hand

In his own, and then they both sit down to-

gether; and he begins his address with,

“I’d like to start by reading you a poem

By our noble friend Sir Philip Sydney,”

Rich fools there be whose base and filthy heart

Lies hatching still the goods wherein they flow

And damning their own selves to Tantal’s smart,

Wealth feeding want, more blissed, more wretched grow.

Arthur re-rolls the scroll up, and speaks from

His heart, “Camelot is a lot more than

Just a great nation. It is who we are,

And furthermore, it’s what we believe in.

We are not great because we take what we

Think we need by thieving. We are great be-

cause we make peace and equality seem

Appealing, As it is our wont to do.

As I look out at you today, I am

Humbled by your grace. Your face shows that you

Have loyalty and pride in Camelot,

As if you, too, could ride as good as our

Famed Lancelot. I’m proud to call you all

My loyal people, my subjects, my knights.”

Silk thread sheets and touching love through the groin,

The male’s chain mail hangs on the bed

While the lady’s chastity belt lays on

The floor, as these two engage in the sport

Of lovers. Her cheek is palmed by his hand.

A proven hero and courtier,

Lancelot’s lance has pierced many a heart,

But amidst all his lovers and foreplay,

Some say, that the queen is among his

Conquests: placing his flag, as it were, in

Her land. “You better not let the king hear

You speak like that,” William said to Edward.

“But Brother this is all common knowledge.”

“Yes, ‘tis common knowledge to everyone,

But the king. So guard your lips because I

Believe, that as just as Arthur is, he

Will stop at nil to kill the messenger.

Then, Edward mumbling under his breath

Says, “The queen is the one who should’ve guarded

Her lips.” Hearing this, William says, “Trust me,

I fear that she might also end up dead.“

A dragon, as green as envy, flies in-

To the Kingdom, blowing smoke from its ‘strils;

Words as bad as gossip causing noxious

Vapors to be inhaled, and the plague

Spreads, faces filled with buboes. We need some

Potions and a cure to spare this land from

Evaporation as this nation dis-

Appears. How do we fight this fire-breathing

Dragon? We need the bravest knight to risk

His life to save this great fairy tale

Ending from the fire and brimstone

To fulfill its true destiny.

King Arthur addresses his knights of the

Round table, “Whose it gonna be? Which

One of you has the bravery to face

This formidable beast? Who has the grace

To claim fame through his deeds? And with a smirk

Of disdain, the first knight to step forward

Is Sir Gawain, saying “I have handled green

Monsters before.” Seeing this, the envious

Bedivere wants to make it clear that in

No way does Gawain deserve any more

Fame than he already has: “Your majesty,

I believe that I’m the knight for this quest.

As great as Gawain is, I believe he

Is hogging these tests, with a presumption

That is destructive to his fellow knights.”

“Sir Bedivere, how dare you speak of me

Like this!?” “Silence! Both of you! This dragon

Divides us, which is why we must stop it

Immediately. Oh and by the way,

Sir Lancelot why didn’t I hear you

Volunteer for this deed?” “I just figured

That it was implied, Sire.”  “Indeed.”

Arthur dismissed his knights telling them that

He’d decide by first light which knight would get

The chance to lay down his life for Camelot.

A knock on the door, and King Arthur shouts,

“Enter!” And who should walk in but a nervous Sir

Bedivere, who was preparing to

Tell the king about Gawain’s actions with

The queen, so that he could take his spot as

The bravest, and put the dragon out of

Its misery. “What do you mean was “with”

Gawain!? What does with mean, explain!?” Bedivere,

To get revenge on Guinevere explained,

“By ‘with’ I mean, commit adultery.”

The king looked hurt, “Who told you this?” “I o-

verheard Smith, who heard it from the servants

Of the queen, Ruth and Mary, shopping in

The marketplace. Seeing the look on the

King’s face, Bedivere backpeddled a bit,

“But it’s probably just idle gossip,

I would guess. “How dare you insult the queen’s

Good name like this?” Then next the king whips out

Excalibur and chops off the head of

This messenger. The news he didn’t want

To hear. Now Bedivere’s dead, and the king’s

Sad, mad, and thirsty for revenge. “Guards bring

Me Ruth and Mary immediately!

And then go retrieve Gawain and the queen.”

“My lord, why are we here?” “Oh no, Sire,”

Says Mary, What did you hear? I swear I

Didn’t do anything that would betray

The queen’s loyalty.” “I’m inclined to believe

You, Mary. To tell you the truth, I think

It was Ruth anyway. Ruth looked petrified.

“Sire? What ever you think that we did….”

Don’t implicate Mary you vile wretch.

How dare you disparage the queen’s good name

With your idle gossip?” “Gossip sire?”

Don’t play innocent with me! What proof do

You have about Sir Gawain and the queen?”

“Nonewhatsoever my lord.” “I despise

Liars. I should cut out your tongue.” “I’m not

A liar, Sire.” Then prove your accusation!

Guards bring in Gwen and Gawain! Now’s your chance

To prove your case and possibly save your

Life. Either that, or I’ll hang you witch or

Burn you at the stake.”

What’s the meaning of this, my lord! Being

Dragged from my chambers in the middle of

The night, to discover my servants in

Your quarters looking a fright? and why is

Gawain here not dressed like a knight, wearing

His non-standards?” “That’s not the first time you

Saw him like that, is it?” “Arthur, what are

You after?” “My dear, I’m the one here who

Is asking the questions.”

Staring into his crystals and holding a

Vile that’s blue, Merlin is twirling his

Beard, wondering what he should do, to stop

This green beast from attacking the kingdom,

And infiltrating the court, subduing

The king with misery. This jealousy

Has inflamed him to the very core, so

Now its up to the wizard to use words

Of enchantment to retrieve the fairy

Tale element from the periodic

Table and make this all just a fable

Again.

All four of them were quiet and scared as they

Watched the king pace back and forth in front of

Them, until suddenly he decided

To show how severely serious he was

By putting Sir Bedivere’s corpse front and

Center. The servants turned away, the queen

Broke into tears, while Gawain merely stared

At his dead fellow knight, thinking he was

Probably looking upon his own fate,

But for some reason he wasn’t afraid.

In fact, he was relieved. For he was sick

Of serving a great man that he knew he

Betrayed. He was prepared to give his life

For the king’s good name.

“Gawain, for you I have the ultimate

Test. I need you to do one little thing

To put this matter to rest. I have

Heard a little gossip and I need you

To confess that you slept with my wife. And

If you did, I’ll forgive your sins in death.

Or if you lie, I’ll torture you till your

Last breath.” But before he could reply the

Queen began to cry, and crawl towards the king,

Pleading, beating the castle floor with her

Fists.

Seeing all this in a bowl of water,

Merlin knew it was up to him to save

This kingdom from this green, ghastly dragon,

And save Camelot from slaughter. The old

Wizard realized that the only spell

That could erase all these lies would be a

Lyrical potion that is made of one

Part bravery, three parts love, and a dash

Of some rhyme sprinkled into a royal

Cauldron that is boiling up with pride,

Fire, desire, and hatred.

“I cannot lie any longer to your

Majesty’s face. The queen and I have been

Sneaking around, behind your back for some-

Time now. Please cut off my head, do what you

Please. I do not deserve your forgiveness.

I know I am weak.” “Oh give me a break,” the

Queen screams from her knees. “I never slept with

Gawain! Your majesty, please!”

The king closes his eyes with visible

Anguish. “Guards!” he shouts, “Come take away these

Servants and put them in the tower, for

Tomorrow we shall hang them for squealing

Like rats, and spreading this plague with their fleas:

Diseased speech in the market place.”

“As for Gawain, you, too, will die, but by

My sword alone, and the queen will watch her

Lover utter his last moan and then die

All by herself. 

It was at that moment that Merlin’s spell

Took affect, before the dragon could release

His full fury on Camelot. It was the conjuring

Of a hero, who would put out his neck

To fight for love. It’s the one they call Lancelot.

Gawain’s head lay on the floor, staring blankly at Gwen,

Who was too mortified to even cry anymore.

Then…

“I didn’t volunteer to fight this dragon

And do this brave deed. I just figured

It was implied. I slept with your wife, Sire”

And I do apologize.” With a blade

In his heart, the king responds, “Indeed.” And the

Fire-breathing dragon dies.

Goodbye Camelot.